I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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