I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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