I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize