names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
