white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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