you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
