Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
