had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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