We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize