I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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