some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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