hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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