My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
