I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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