An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
