Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
