My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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