What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He felt like a one man threesome
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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