i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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