my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
