i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
