my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
