I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
