hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
