I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
