No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
