On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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