I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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