Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
