We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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