i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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