and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
