i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
