he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
