There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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