that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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