I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
