My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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