all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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