I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i think i just lost a toe
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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