she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
