there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
