look no pants
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
