You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
