um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize