we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
