And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
