Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize