Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
