im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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