She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
