I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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