i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
