An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize