Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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