I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
