Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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