FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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