this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
