he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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