This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
