Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
