You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
