That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
