You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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