wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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