Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
