So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
