You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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