Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
