i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
