life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
