Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
