i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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