Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
