Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
