My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
