well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
