he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize