I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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