The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
