At least make sure they are 18
Why
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
tell me about the fingering
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
