Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
