He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dignity is for republicans.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
