You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
