So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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