Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
3 2 1 whiskey
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
