Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
that may or may not have been my penis.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
