just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
