and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
