whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
