My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
