i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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