I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Blood and glitter go together right?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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