hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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