So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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