it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
